You're never truly aware of how much every single person in your life means to you until you lose them. Every single person matters. Throughout the Holiday Season I'm going to go on Gratitude visits. I will pay a visit to the people I want, but more importantly need to thank and hand them a token or gift of sorts.

My life has taken a big turn. At this time last year I was feeling much different from what I am feeling now. Change is coming. Growing older is about maturing in the right directions and making informed well decided decisions.

I have always known that life is cold and cruel. But as of late I have realized that in more ways than one. This has not only touched me, myself, but also my family. As the ones I love leave this life or just leave, I am going to spend time with the ones who are here.

No more taking anything for granted. I am going to take the time to pay respect to my family and those who have supported me. Life is truly a blink of an eye. Time may slow when you're heartbroken or hurt, but it does not freeze. It still passes. The second hand of the clock still ticks. It still moves forward. I will not let another person pass by without knowing how much they mean to me. I refuse to let someone leave without knowing how much I love them and why I'm thankful they are in my life. I've learned that family matters most. Blood is thicker than water, always.

Thanksgiving has recently passed. Christmas is coming up. I'm very excited for the holidays. I need to do some Christmas shopping and I've decided what I'm going to get my loving Father.

I really love the way David Donahue shirts look. The fit, style, and cut are great.

A Fred Perry scarf. These are sooooo soft!


I finished watching Gossip Girl before eating dinner with my family today. The end made me cry. Blair and Chuck are so beautiful. I really see something in them. They are such a beautiful non-couple couple. I wish they could just get it right. I truly understand their relationship.

Things change. Things change. Things change. I'm trying to accept that fact that my life is now incredibly different from what it was before. Pain flows through my veins, mingling with my thick hot blood. Hurt enters my arteries and my heart, making the ache that much worse. The waves that crashed against the rocks have pulled me under and I don't see myself resurfacing anytime soon. I watch time pass and it doesn't seem to get better...it gets harder. The moments when I feel the emotions take control and I lose all power over my body become more frequent, not rarer. And even when the tears become too much, the ache hurts more than any physical injury I've done to my body, I feel it hit me even stronger as if to prove a point, or perhaps it's just to torture.

Maybe one day I'll get better at hiding my emotions, I thought I had it all under control. I was wrong. God, was I wrong.

I hate nights when I'm exhausted, tired, yawning and can't sleep. I downright hate them, but at the same time, they give me an opportunity to think, contemplate, and discover new things. Tonight I've discovered a few things. When love is true, when love is meant to be, the person you give your whole heart to will never let you down, will never fail you completely. Secondly, I've just listened to "Decode" by Paramore at least ten times. Such an exquisite, tense, deep, and amazing song. It's perfect for Twilight. I am so excited for the movie to come out December 12. Speaking of movies, I really want to see The Dutchess, Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, and Ghost Town.

Stress. Goodness I hate it, unfortunately it's a part of me. I'm learning to let go of it and not harsh anyone's mellow. It amazes me how much stress can impact your life. As human beings we make mistakes and things go wrong, it's up to our attitudes, our mindsets however to deal with them appropriately and as civil as possible. We should never let a bad thing get us down for long. We can't change the inevitable, but we can play on the strings we have and that is our attitudes.

I'm going to start posting 2-5 pictures that I love each time I make an entry now. I'm going to read some editorials while I eagerly anticipate a phone call from my other half, then I'm off to bed.


1) I recently stumbled across this classic photo of Ed Westwick. His charm is impeccable. I adore him.



2) My best friend sent this to me as inspiration. I love Twilight so of course I fell in love.



3) Anne Hathaway quit smoking. Apparently she was a secret smoker. Her beauty is stunning.

It's been a rough and crazy past two weeks. So much has happened, mostly on the bad side, but I'm working through it and things are getting better. Looking back on it, I really am thankful for almost all the disappointments, failures, mistakes, and unfortunates in my life. They really have prepared me for today and the future. Speaking of the future, college is fun. At least one of my Mom's Psychology students is in each of my classes and the homework load isn't too heavy so I'm still able to do other things.

I'm going to start spending more time in Fort Worth, visiting my brother. I really like it over there and the chance to duck out of suburbia, even if it's just for a little while. My brother appreciates my time and I'm able to spend more time with friends when I'm away so if you're ever in the area, drop me a text or phone call.

Gossip Girl is back and I love it! The show is getting so twisted, but still not impossible to follow. Hurricane Ike passed and it is beautiful outside. My thoughts go out to those who had to evacuate and leave behind their homes and belongings.

Life is pretty amazing right now. Fall is just around the corner and I can't wait until it gets cold and for Halloween and the Holidays to come! This will be the first year I spend Thanksgiving at home in quite a while and I really want to focus on my family and potential future family. :]

While in Washington, I came across some quotes that I have fallen in love with, so I thought I'd share them.

"One must still have chaos in oneself to give birth to a dancing star."
-Nietzsche

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
-Buscaglia

It's really funny how life works. One second you have such a high level of respect for someone, someone you truly loved in a way. Someone you cared for, someone you would have done almost anything for, and then in a matter of seconds, all of that is washed away like writing in the sand on a beach too close to the water. And when that happens, you seem to be frustrated with everything and everyone, even the person you love more than life itself. You start to put clues together and see lies when they're not there. You get suspicious because it's the only way your heart can even attempt to protect itself from future pain, the hurt that flows through your very heart and veins at that moment. But, but, if you're lucky enough, the person who you love so much, they love you the exact same way, perhaps more,, and they will force you to see the truth. They force you to see that they love you and they would never do that to you. They would never betray you in such a way.

With that, you are given proof that what you have is meant to be. What you have is worth and will always be worth fighting for. Your heart swells bigger, and even though you previously thought it was impossible, your love for that person grows, filling up your heart like water fills up an ocean, except this love could drown small countries.

The past few days have been dramatic. I've had to sit down and really think about things, but it's been good for me. I ask for prayers for someone whom I love dearly...someone who is in critical condition.

I'm currently in Bellevue, Washington. I love it here. The weather is a tad chilly, I wish I brought a coat. I got two really cute tops from BCBG. I'm enjoying the fresh air, but I really think it's too green here. So many trees and hills. I'm off to get ready to go.

Fall is officially here... school wise. Classes for almost everyone in the area starts tomorrow. I am so excited to be starting college! Although, I'm not too stoked about running around campus like a girl late for her appointments. I need to get my binders and folders organized and ready to go for my classes and write up little notes for my Professors about my leave one day after attending class. hahahah I'm sure they're going to love me...

Friday was my photoshoot with Angel. It went really well. I can't wait to see the pictures. Currently, I'm at Natalie's. We stayed up late last night watching her DVD and I did a run through of her hair and makeup for her photoshoot today. I'm so excited. I love hanging out with Natalie. She's super amazing. =]

My haircut was also on Friday. I absolutely love it! ...except I have no idea how to make my bangs swoop sideways like my stylist did... so I'm kind of in a rut right now.

Gossip Girl starts next monday!!! Words can't express my excitement. Leighton Meester and Blake Lively are so gorgeous.